A Personal Ad: Experimental Poem #8378

A Personal Ad: Experimental Poem #8378

(By Walter Beck)

Looking for a guy, preferably between 21 and 29, although age can be negotiated, tall, slim build, but have some meat on you, I don’t want to take you to Buffalo Wild Wings and have me sitting there, gnawing on a pile of ribs with you munching a Spinach wrap, don’t cover yourself in AXE or any of that shit, it agitates my breathing and I don’t want to fuck a perfume bottle anyway, music is a big part and I’m seeking someone who knows how to rock n roll, if you’re gonna go down on me, I prefer you’d hum “Welcome to the Jungle” or “Ace of Spades” on my junk than Lady Gaga or Glee, I hope you like your action on the strange side, I have a Leather Pride flag hanging above my desk for a reason and I hope you like a good soundtrack, there’s nothing like hot love with the sounds of Ministry or Throbbing Gristle, I enjoy splatter flicks, documentaries and stand-up comedy, but not that Dane Cook shit, think more Lenny Bruce, Bill Maher or George Carlin, I’m a performer, so I do a lot of shows, feel free to jump in on one, I’m always looking to push the boundaries (I still gotta top my buddy who once did a show bare-ass naked), I have a cigarette habit and a taste for high-octane whiskey and cheap wine, I wouldn’t suggest playing the game of matching me for drinks because I’ll need someone to drive home, I’m young, wild, freaky and free, if this sounds up your alley, give me a call, for our first meeting, to quote Dr. Frank-N-Furter, “Formal dress it to be optional”.