Saturday, October 1, 2011

Walter Story Time: The Story of the Most Controversial Photo Ever Taken of Me

Well welcome back brothers, sisters and otherwise. I hope you’ve enjoyed the poems so far posted here, but now as Monty Python said, “for something completely different”. It’s Walter Story Time, so pull up a chair and fetch me another glass of bourbon and an ashtray while you’re at it.

It was back in January, I had finally come out of the closet as bisexual after eight years. Believe me, that was a hard week. My old man took it very well, telling me, “Son, that doesn’t mean I love you any less or that I’m any less proud of you.” So now that the dam had burst, the genie was out of the bottle and my world didn’t end, it was time for a celebration and what better place to do than our favorite (and only) local gay joint, ZimMarss.

It was me, my brother Jeff, Kris, Darren and Joel who went and man, the booze and good feelings were flowing. I immediately ordered a martini, stirred NEVER shaken (you bruise the gin and dilute the drink) made with Bombay Sapphire at a 3:1 ratio of gin to vermouth with a lime twist; my favorite cocktail, man. I was also pounding back shots of Bailey’s Irish Cream courtesy of my brother since that’s one of his favorites and of course, Kris and I were pounding back beers.

The jukebox was cranking, I remember somebody playing Chuck Berry’s “Johnny B. Goode” which I thought was fucking great because honestly, I know it’s a gay bar and all, but there’s only so much Lady Gaga I can listen to in one night. I’m a rock n roller and all the guys I hang with are rock n rollers.

So anyway, it was my brother, Kris and I up at the bar ordering a fresh round of drinks and I had my ex-girlfriend’s camera with me because she wanted a bunch of pics from my big night out with the guys. Well my brother snaps a picture of Kris and I French-kissing each other; there was nothing romantic or sexual about it, we were just a couple of lushes partying.

The next morning, I posted all the pics from the evening on Facebook, including the one of Kris and I kissing. I mean, hell, I’m a transgressive artist and certainly there were more boundary-pushing photos of me out there than me kissing one of my best friends. There are photos of me covered in stage blood, photos of me in a leopard print dress, photos of me surrounded by empty liquor bottles, etc. I’m known as a social outlaw and certainly no one would raise holy hell about a pic of an innocent drunken kiss.

Well on that one, I was wrong; holy shit, emails and comments started flooding in, mainly people from camp who were shocked by the photo. Seriously it was insane and it honestly shocked me, there’s nothing explicit about the picture. I didn’t see what the big deal was. I stood by my guns until Kris’ mom freaked out over the picture. Which is even more perplexing, she knows he’s gay, so what the hell, man? Well for the only time in my life, I caved into the pressure and took the picture down. Later it would be used on the inside cover of my first live poetry album Mental Cage Menstruation: Life Cycles and Blood Loss at the Sycamore Lounge.

To think I, the same guy who was unofficially barred from ISU open mic nights for using stage blood in a poetry performance, the same guy who caused holy hell at Ransburg Scout Reservation by writing brutally honest prose, the same guy who has lead rallies and spit fire for the local press, caused one of the biggest controversies of my life with one little kiss.

Well that’s it for now, stayed tuned here on Passed Out Fully Clothed for new poetry, rants and a new episode of “Walter Story Time”.