Holiday Queen

Holiday Queen

(By Walter Beck)

A skank that sparkled

Like the stars of nightmares.

I had seen her kind before;

Legs that could spread

Across an entire frat party,

A plastic sheen

That gleamed like cheap Ziplocs.

She was another body on the couch

With a glazed, bored look in her eyes.

My only question was,

“Does my cousin read Bible verses

While he fucks your brains out?”

Christmas (Doesn’t Age Like Wine)

Christmas (Doesn't Age Like Wine)

(By Walter Beck)

I remember

Being a kid;

Christmas was the one day

That stretched on forever.

I would be up at 3:00,

Hanging with mom in the living room

Munching candy out of the stocking

Waiting impatiently

For dad and my brother to wake up;

I was on top of the world for one day a year,

I was the happiest kid on Earth.

At 24 on Christmas Day;

Slumped in a chair at my mother’s

With another cheap bribe in my hand

And a nose full of amyl

To keep my flesh from exploding.

I just wanted to go back home

So I could get fucked up again.

Killer Tunes: The Music of Murderers, Cult Leaders and Suicide Advocates

Killer Tunes: The Music of Murderers, Cult Leaders and Suicide Advocates

By Walter Beck

There are some types of music routinely associated with criminality, it’s not uncommon for artists of certain genres to have a criminal record and you may even find a criminal record from musicians you never would have guessed (Merle Haggard, attempted robbery, served time in San Quentin). But what about artists who are more known for their bloody activities than for their music?

Varg Vikernes, Murder, served 15 years in a Norwegian prison.

Most Americans probably don’t know who he is, unless you’re a serious black metal fan, but over in Europe, this man is one of the most notorious killers in popular culture. He was sent to prison on a 21 year sentence for the murder of fellow musician Euronymous and was suspected in a series of church arsons.

Varg had already established himself as a musician in the metal underground with his solo black metal project Burzum. But his sensational trial and conviction kept him in the spotlight and he recorded two albums in prison, Dauði Baldrs and Hliðskjálf. These were ambient, minimalist records as compared to his raw black metal work. Varg was released in 2009 and has since resumed making music as Burzum.

Charles Manson, Murder/Conspiracy, incarcerated since 1969, currently in Corcoran State Prison

Charlie is America’s boogeyman, a deranged cult leader who convinced a horde of young people to commit a bloody massacre. Various theories have arisen as to why Manson directed the murders, some say it had to do with a bizarre race-war fantasy of Manson’s known as “Helter Skelter” and some say it was Charlie’s revenge for being rejected by the music industry.

Manson was an aspiring folk musician who had recorded several demo sessions in 1967 and did one full studio session. He was going nowhere in the music business. Since his incarceration he has been a prolific musician with 19 full-length albums and four 7” singles to his name. Most of these were recorded in prison with his latest album Trees being released in November 2011.

Due to his infamy and continuing bizarre behavior, it is unlikely that Manson will ever be released from prison.

Jack Kevorkian, Second-Degree Murder, released in 2007, dead

Kevorkian, known popularly as “Dr. Death”, was a physician known for his advocacy of the right-to-die, demonstrating his suicide machines for a National audience. Many Americans agreed with Kevorkian’s views and his imprisonment for second-degree murder in 1999 was regarded as unjust.

What most people don’t know is that Kevorkian was also a jazz musician and in 1997, at the height of his notoriety released an album of acid jazz known as A Very Still Life in a limited pressing of 5000. The album received good reviews in many underground jazz circles.

Kevorkian died in 2011.

So here’s the question, what do we do with these artists and their records? Do we ignore them for their infamy and say they’re the product of a depraved mind, not even worthy of a glance? Is the blood of innocent victims on our hands if we listen to these albums?

Here’s my opinion, listen to the music objectively and judge it as art, I have recordings by all of these artists and yes, they were twisted in the eyes of many, but they also have talent as musicians. If you’re worried about “supporting” killers, than don’t pay for the records, download them. The artist won’t get a dime of your money and you may be able to listen to them more objectively.

Notes from the Stage: A (Crazy) Year in Review

Notes from the Stage: A (Crazy) Year in Review

By Walter Beck

Well I hope everyone who wanted to see me live was able to, I did a personal record of thirty-one shows this year. I also set personal records in terms of set-list; until this year, I usually did a five-minute set, ten was a long set. But this year, there were several shows where I did sets of twenty, thirty, even forty minutes. My longest set of the year was my last show, the public debut of The Smell of Fear and Doughnuts, it ran all together around forty-seven minutes (I taped it, but the audio quality is too muddy to post). I also released three separate live albums this year, all with their own qualities. And of course, I did my first out-of-state show this year.

So yeah it’s been one hell of a year, let’s break it down:

Longest Set: Coffee Grounds, December 15^th, the debut of The Smell of Fear and Doughnuts

This was my last show of the year and the one I promoted the most, I mean I’m pretty shameless and relentless when it comes to promoting my own shows (I don’t have an agent or manager, I gotta do this all myself, the booking, the promotion, the works), but I plugged the hell out of this last one.

The set ended up being forty-seven minutes all together, like the work itself it was split into five different parts. I was nervous about how it would go, but the crowd ended up really enjoying the excerpts.

I did some “b-sides” during the show, I opened up with “Thad’s Story”, a campfire tale written and performed by Thad Dunn that’s partially told in Indian sign language about a man and a beautiful woman, “pay attention, something important is about to happen”. And I also told the story of how I almost got sued when Part II came out because I called my bosses “assholes”.

Smallest Crowd: ZimMarss Showbar, December 14^th

This was a last-minute show I did the night before my big Coffee Grounds gig, so I didn’t get a chance to promote it like I normally would have. It was a frustrating show because since I didn’t hear about it until the last minute; I couldn’t put together my usual set-list. I ended up doing mainly covers, poems by Charles Bukowski, Allen Ginsberg, Robert Frost and TS Eliot. I did do one original, “Gonzo Razorback”, a poem I wrote while Jimmie and I were warming up for the show at Big Shooters, another favorite bar of ours.

So since this was last minute, I ended up performing in front of three people plus the sound guy.

One note about the show, since I ended up taking the stage late (I pulled an Axl Rose, I didn’t get up there until half-hour after the scheduled time), I had a few beers in me and was fairly tipsy by the time I hit the stage and reeling from too many beers adds a certain gritty touch to performing Bukowski’s work.

Most Theatrical Show: ISU Student Lounge, May 1^st, Equality Speaks: Unplugged

This was one of my favorite shows this year, it ended up being the only public display/action of “Equality Speaks” (the group fell apart for a variety of reasons), but we had fun doing this show. It was a mix of poets and musicians and I asked Micah how crazy I could get. I have been known to push boundaries in terms of performing. He said “go for it”, I mean, this was the last show before summer break.

So I got up there in the most outrageous outfit I’ve ever worn on-stage; I had on a white lacy skirt, held up with my rainbow suspenders, red gonzo shirt, black leather jacket, I had full make-up on (lipstick, eye shadow), my hair was braided and dyed a mix of green, orange, purple and red (it looked like someone puked a bunch of Skittles on my head) and my beard was dyed green. I looked like the bastard love child of the drag queens of ZimMarss and Motley Crue.

The show itself ended up being incredible, I got an extended set and the ended it with an explosive powerhouse of three of the most hardcore poems I’ve ever written.

There were other shows where I broke out the theatrics; I brought the stage blood back at a gig in November at ISU and at camp this year at a couple of “underground” shows (staff campfires), I did one wrapped in my rainbow pride flag and another where I was shirtless with “RANSBURG SUCKS” written across my chest in red paint.

My performance at Equality Speaks: Unplugged was recorded and released as my first album Mental Cage Menstruation: Life Cycles & Blood Loss at the Sycamore Lounge.

Most Shows in One Day: Downtown Terre Haute Block Party, August 27^th

This was insane; I had three separate poetry bookings that day for the Block Party, I had one on the big stage with the Coffee Grounds Poets, one as a “street poet” where I walked around with other poets, stopping at random places and reading poetry and I had one performing at the Wabash Valley Pride tent.

I was wearing my bright pink “Gay for Ginsberg” shirt, rainbow suspenders, jean shorts and I was barefoot. Yep, spent the whole day and all the shows shoeless; by the end of the day, my soles were jet black. When I was doing the “street poet” gig, a reporter came up from the TribStar and interviewed me and yes, he noted that I was barefoot.

The one major drawback of the day was by the end of it I was exhausted, my performance at the WVP tent was less than spirited. By that point the crowds were dwindling and I was just burned out, I still got up there and performed, but it was my weakest performance of the year.

Favorite Live Album: Will Give Head for Gigs Stripped: Live at the Verve

This was probably my most unusual gig of the year for me, it was my first performance as a duo, I performed with my buddy Eli Van Sickel accompanying me on his Dobro, plucking out bluesy bits while I read poetry.

Eli had his computer with him and recorded the show; it’s the longest of my live releases (clocking in at around twenty-five minutes) and definitely has the rawest sound. It was an “audience” recording, but it captures the feel of the show perfectly.

Quick Bits:

Venue with the Most Shows:

Coffee Grounds, nine

Most Shows in One Month:
June, five

Venues Performed at for the First Time:

The Verve, ZimMarss, Halcyon Art Gallery, ISU Homecoming, Downtown Terre Haute Block Party, Printer’s Row Lit Fest (Chicago)

First Encore:

October 13^th, ISU Student Lounge, Creative Writing Society Open Mic Night

Countdown

Top Five Shows:

1. Printer’s Row Lit Fest, June 5^th, Chicago

2. Coffee Grounds, December 15^th, last show

3. Equality Speaks: Unplugged, May 1^st, ISU Student Lounge

4. Coffee Grounds, October 20^th, 3^rd Anniversary Show (I was the guest host)

5. The Verve, November 21^st, with Eli as Will Give Head for Gigs

Well thanks to everyone who came out this year and watched me perform, for those who missed it, I have a couple of live recordings out and there are live videos up online. That should give you a taste of what to expect when I’m on stage.

I’m planning on doing even more shows in 2012, breaking this personal record and maybe even hitting the road and exploring new territory.

I’ll see you on the stage…

Winter Nights

Winter Nights

(By Walter Beck)

Trudging through nights that grow longer

When it's too cold to go barefoot;

Slow-sludgy riffs of Steele's growl

"Paranoid".

Waiting

For letters that say something

Other than "thanks but no thanks";

A strange bunch,

As Eric the Skinhead called them.

Just one

To give me half a chance;

It's all part of the game

But times like this,

When all I think of is another drink

And of going home,

It gets harder and harder to play.

Another friend of mine

Got married,

And I only knew

Because he said so online.

He was one from the old days.

Is it right to call them old days?

It's only been four years

But it seems like a lifetime.

My old man said he was extremely worried about me;

I don't blame him,

Nights in a cheap apartment

With a whiskey eggnog,

Fiddling with a cheap box cutter,

Muddy Waters on the stereo.

The snobs sometimes sneer at me

With my cheap food, cheap smokes

And cheap wine;

But it's the only living I know.

One night

When I was reeling from too much

Eric the Skinhead said

This would all pay off one day

That he wanted to see me succeed;

It was enough to get up to face another day.

From the Archives: A Burned-Out Mind on the Homefront

This poem is out of the dusty archives, this one goes back to August 2007 and it's one of my earliest "experimental" poems. I was in Terre Haute, having just moved there, I was feeling very frustrated and depressed, having just been through the Ransburg Affair. So I was listening to Eyehategod and started looking at their song titles.

Look for more poems from Walt's Dusty Archives!

A Burned-Out Mind on the Homefront
(By Walter Beck)

Sitting here, locked in for days, friends gone in their own lives, the phone lies dead, feeling like I’m Serving Time in the Middle of Nowhere, tray full of butts and ash, a symbol of an addiction gone mad, snuff residue laces my fingernails, am I just a Jackass in the Will of God?, cheap arguments with a bloodline, increasingly desperate searching on the GODMACHINE looking for cheap thrills and a moment’s satisfaction, a burned out hero just walking 99 Miles of Bad Road, remains of a Corruption Scheme, a sense of a Lack of Almost Everything, when he says I Am the Gestapo, entering the Age of Bootcamp, and in the end just Turn Troubled Tables.

*Song references from Mike Williams

The New Face of the American Poetry Underground

The New Face of the American Poetry Underground

(By Walter Beck)

Strutting on stage

With all the swagger of Axl Rose;

I remember the first time

I got on stage,

Starring down at the podium

And gripping the sides,

Not in ecstasy,

But to calm my shaking hands.

Now that mic is a weapon

And the mic stand the stock.

I’ve grown to hate podiums

Because they restrict my swagger.

Spitting fire and fantasy,

Shirtless, sweaty,

Dripping with stage blood,

Feeling like my heroes and idols.

Off-stage

I’m fueled by greasy take-out and Thunderbird,

Nights on and off,

Spent in bars,

Two-dollar gin & tonics

And five-dollar pitchers

With wild music on the juke.

Off-stage

I’m bombarded

With fantasies and dreams

Of fellow poets and freaks

Wanting to use me and use them.

Long-timers

Rubbing one out

To thoughts of me pulling their hair

And pissing on them;

Leading them around on a leash and collar,

And performing naked

While they submit

To my every whim.

Editors

Asking me

What the freakiest thing I would do to them,

And I said I would write a poem

In their own cum.

Freaks

Wanting to foot fuck me,

Lick and cum

All over this

Natural Hoosier leather.

On-stage, off-stage and on the page

I am becoming

The rock n roll poet.

Liberty is a Two-Way Street

Liberty is a Two-Way Street

By Walter Beck

Alright so I found myself in a bit of hot water again with my big mouth. I was on a GLBTQ activists group on Facebook and someone posted an article about that baker in Iowa that refused service to a lesbian couple and I posted the following;

“This may be an unpopular opinion, but as a private business, the baker has the right to serve whom she wishes to serve without government intervention.

However, in a capitalistic society, we can speak with the power of the dollar. If this baker doesn't want to serve us, that's fine; we'll take our business elsewhere. And we will encourage our friends to take their business elsewhere. The power of the dollar will speak louder and stronger than the power of the government in this case.”

“Unpopular opinion” was an underestimate on my end; I got slammed pretty hardcore for that commentary.

Now, I am a tireless advocate for the GLBTQ community and I look for true equality, but I also believe in true liberty. So if someone doesn’t like gays, that’s their right and I can’t fault them for that as long as it does not infringe on my rights or the rights of my brothers and sisters. I’m not asking for everyone to like us, if you think I’m gonna burn in hell because I’m half-cocksucker, that’s fine. “Bless your heart” as my grandmother would say.

However, your opinion should not affect the distribution of public benefits and Constitutional rights. If you’re going to allow two consenting adults into a mutual contract which receives over one thousand Federal benefits (most call it marriage), you have to allow that for all consenting adults, not just heterosexual consenting adults. That is true equality.

But I can’t sit here and say that you should go to jail just because you think I’m a fag; first off, that’s censorship and something that I’m adamantly against. Second, it would restrict your rights to your opinion. If you wanna call me a “fag” go ahead, just keep in mind that I will probably yell something back at you and it won’t be “happy birthday”.

This is how it all boils down, we both have our rights to our opinions and lives and as long as you don’t restrict my liberty, I won’t restrict yours. If you don’t want to serve me because I’m bisexual, that’s fine, I’ll take my business elsewhere. You are not bound by law to like me for my sexuality and I’m not bound by law to support your business, organization, church, etc.